Today was a good day! After a month of wondering what was going on in my head…..
About a month ago I was diagnosed with a Cavernoma on the brain. Left frontal lobe to be exact.
The diagnosis was a random one, discovered completely by accident.
I was experiencing some weird and random pains deep within my left ear and as infections were ruled out as well any dental issues, next on the diagnosis list was an MRI.
Have you ever had one of those?! Lordy!
I’m claustrophobic so just getting into that contraption was hard work.
I almost pressed the ‘emergency’ button close to hyperventilation… but then I remembered my meditation work.
I remembered to breath! I steadied myself and thought of beautiful white sand, palm fringed beaches with crystal clear and warm waters. Since I had only just returned from a quick trip to Thailand (Koh Lipe to be exact) it was an easier task than had it been the middle of winter.
Even the Neurosurgeon commented on how still I must have been to get such clear images. Um… yes, I was frozen in terror!
After awhile in that loud and claustrophobic machine, I did actually begin giggling…. obviously it was ‘on the inside’, you know not to jeopardise the images (yes, I’m a pragmatist)….. but the noises were so loud that they actually started to sound rather amusing. Maybe it’s my weird sense of humour or just the absurdity of it all, but I really did start to find it all highly entertaining. Not that I wasn’t extremely glad when it came to an end and I could get out of that thing!
A week later I received a call from the GP to go back and get the results.
There was some confusion as to whether it was trauma related (yep, that’s definitely a possibility) or a Cavernoma, so it was a referral to the Neurosurgeon, which I finally had today.
4 weeks of googling, fretting about seizures, hemorrhages, … it growing and slowly rotting my mind…. you know….. all the normal stuff one goes through when faced with such great news! Finally I had my appointment this morning.
Turns out it’s definitely not trauma related. It’s been there since foetus days as a ‘malformation’ on the brain.
It’s never bled, which is the most concerning aspect of having one of these…. it’s the bleed that creates scar tissue, which can lead to the seizures etc. It’s then that they often decide to operate to remove it, not something I’d rush into.
In the end, having had it for 44+ years with no symptoms or problems to date, I can pretty much just treat it as nothing to be concerned about. I’d have a higher chance of being hit by a bus than this thing every creating any harm.
It’s been an interesting experience – the whole not knowing…. learning to just think positive thoughts and getting on with it. And that’s exactly what I did.
So, I guess the moral of the story? Maybe, that you just never know when and what will be the end.
So just bloody well make the most of every moment you have.