Wow, I’ve just been completely running on adrenaline of late, ready to burst into a steady stream of tears at any given moment.
I can use all the excuses in the world but ultimately we are all responsible and in control of our own emotions and how we respond to certain situations, so I’m writing this for some ‘cleansing’ and also hoping that I can share more of the journey with you and let you know that it’s okay to sometimes feel like this.

Finding balance in a sometimes crazy world can be downright difficult, almost seem bloody impossible to be frank, but it’s about recognising and then readjusting the sails.
Searching for the ‘sweet spot’ where we align our thoughts and emotions with the circumstances and life we are happy to be living.

I’m in that process now. Have I been here before? Of course I have! Many times and that’s the point of this blog….. which I’ve actually only just worked out as I sit here typing away on the keyboard, transcribing my messy notes.

It’s a continuous process for most of us. Imagine it like this.
You’re baking a cake and you’re weighing out the ingredients.
You need 200gms of flour, so you place the flour in the bowl sitting on the scales and you overfill it to 230gm’s, so you need to take some out, but then you only have 180gms…. so you play until you get it right.
It’s like that I guess, but over a life time, and maybe the variances narrow down and you get better at making the adjustments, you know before it’s even hit the scale that you have 10gms too much and you react quickly.
Maybe that’s the key. I don’t think it’s an end point, balance that is, I think it’s the constant play, the constant readjusting of those sails, or scales in this case.

For me of late it’s been about having zippo left in the tank to give attention to what I want to be focussing my attention on. I’ve had so many demands placed on my time and energy resources that I feel completely depleted.

So of course I now find myself back in Bali to work out the ‘plan’. The plan to readjust. To change…. because change I must.

I have an extremely demanding ‘day job’ – mentally, am a single Mum to two precious and growing children and an aging mother in another state.

People often ask why I don’t have a partner. Ha! Look at my life I sometimes think. Firstly how would I fit it in and it’s going to take one special person to deal with the chaos! Anyway, enough on that, this isn’t about my love life!

You know, I wrote a whole lot more for this post, all the ‘stuff’ going on, the reasons why I feel the way I do right now, the basics we all know we should do to get back on track…. and never do. None of that matters for the purposes of this. That was a great cathartic exercise but you don’t need all of that.

What is important is to know that if you are also feeling like this at any time, take a breath! Stop, detach and reflect.
Detach from ‘toxic’ people (yep… dealing with one of these at the mo), stop telling yourself how ‘busy’ you are and feeling like vomiting because you don’t know how you’ll do it all (yep,… that’s been me the last month or two), say F OFF and just step off the grid even if only briefly.
Search your heart and work out what’s important.
Pick up a pen and write – it really helps sort through stuff, go for a walk on the weekend or escape to Bali like me….. whatever it takes.

I think I’m about to make a difficult decision but one that will realign the sails and make for a happier future.
Because trust me, if we stay in this space for too long, not only will we look back one day and wonder why the hell we lived that life, we could quite possibly and most probably, end up having a heart attack, cancer etc…. and neglect the people most important to us as well.

Thanks for the ear!

I’m thinking it might be time to head home.